“Trekking”
Up the sloppy trail,
I counted my breath.
And in every step
moving forward,
I leave a piece of me
for you to keep.
As the distance
between us lengthen,
the tears that have fallen
was drowned by the
harsh wind.
There on the peak
it was silent.
Finally!
I can be nothing
_______________
“Elegy of Cynical”
Maybe it was faux
And sweetest it felt for a broken doll
Yet ー a bitterest in the
truest that was buried
Waiting. .no doubt from the pain,
carved on another disaster
Nuh! Must this happen? And afraid your words shan’t leave me
It won’t. .beloved, I’m afraid it won’t
Why, death don’t deserve your soul
If tis’ punishment, then my word I deserve all
Of fear of telling, of fear of hurting, all, I deserve all. .
Thank you for reading. Let me know your thoughts about these two poems by commenting below.
Till then,
Al_Yolly ❤
Beautiful poems because you write them from the heart, which makes them sound fresh and authentic and not something prefabricated or artificial. In “Trekkking” I like the comparison you establish between the physical act of walking up a mountain and the intellectual, emotional and spirtual walk of the poem’s narrator. You talk about the harshness to carry on as you count the breath, and also about the difficulty of letting go. You move forward but, at the same time, you leave pieces of yourself “for you to keep”. This “you” seems to refer to someone you yourself or the poem’s voice have difficulty to leave behind (a frustrated love relationship perhaps?). Yet despite the tears and all the pain the peak is finally reached. I interpret the last line “I can be nothing” as symbolic. Of course you or the poem’s voice still exist, but this being nothing seems to allude to a new start in life, symbolically from zero, and that gives the idea of liberation. Very nice! You should only correct the word “was” and replace it with “were” (tears is a word in plural):
“the tears that have fallen
were drowned”
As for “Elegy of Cynical” I like its emotional intensity which is accomplished by words like “broken doll”, “bitterest”, “buried”, “pain” and “disaster” as well as with the repetitions “Of fear of…” and “I deserve all”. Lovely poem too!
LikeLike